Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart;
wait, I say, on the Lord!
Have you ever gotten what you wanted but had to wait? Have you ever prayed so hard for what you wanted, that you knew it could only look this one certain way? Now, let’s get real: Does it usually look the way you think it will? So it is with life…
I am writing this at a time when I am questioning whether or not something I have is the fulfillment of a promise God made to me many, many years ago. The reason I am questioning it is because it does not look like what I thought it would. It didn’t come in a gold box and shiny wrapping paper with a big, red bow on top. It didn’t have a gift tag that reads, “To: Priska. Love always: God”. It isn’t all dressed up the way I thought it would be in my mind.
How do I know that this is from God? How do I know it’s not a Trojan horse sent for my destruction? I doubt I am alone in feeling this way, questioning if it is right or not. I bet a lot of us – especially women 🙂 – like to see the fulfillment of God’s promises arrive in neatly-packaged boxes, smelling like roses, and fully mature. When you receive a new job offer, do you ask every question possible to ensure it’s your “dream” job? I know I do. But if I were to be truthful with myself, I couldn’t really exactly describe my dream job because I haven’t held it, so I don’t know exactly what it looks like. Or how about when you encounter a love interest, do you run through your checklist: Good job, good family, smart, funny, charming, tall, dark, handsome, etc.? While I think it pertinent to examine our checklists, I also think it’s important to know when our lists are blindly driving us. What if God asked you to do something that didn’t align with your list? Would you do it? Would you jump off your safe mountain, knowing that God controls every particle of air through which you fall? I wonder about my own hesitancies sometimes. Would I accept His voice as my direction? Or would I run through my checklist and determine it can’t be God speaking to me.
For now, with this thing I am questioning, I know God is leading me, and I know I am continually listening to His voice. I pray about it, and feel peace with where I am right now.
This is the end of the blog. Every good writer knows that she has to resolve a story before concluding. Some of you may wonder what is the resolution to my story. Some of you may think the issue is unresolved. If you’re thinking that, re-read the blog. The resolution is not getting what I want and especially not when I want. The resolution is resting in trust, and here I rest.